Do you understand me??

There is a very popular concept often used in personality quizzes. Often there is a question which goes as follows "Mention one word which describes you". I have found that there are not one, but two words which have pretty much dominated my life. One has been "Understanding" and the other "Trust". Both are pretty much related in my context, but there is one major difference.

People rarely ever understand me and I rarely ever trust them.

There have been umpteen complications and problems I've faced in my life which have shaped me as I am today. I trusted people in my past and they got me nothing but betrayal and pain. As of understanding, the only person who has probably ever managed to understand and accept me, to a major extent, has been my dear brother.

These problems have made me a man few understand and, fewer still, accept. I wish I could say that all this never concerned me. That I am happy as I am. I wish.

The truth is, I have been lonely all my life. I've had a good and loving family, multitudes of friends and a pretty good life as far as things like intelligence, respectability etc. are concerned. In spite of all this, I've rarely ever felt safe, contented or happy. I am still a nomad, a wanderer searching for something. Only, I myself don't know what that something is.

People ask me why are you so negative?, why do you listen to such dark music, why do you write such dark words?

I have only one answer: This is what I am in truth.

I know that most of you find this hard to understand but then that how I am.

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

- Lyrics from Welcome to my life by Simple Plan