Masks

Masks. We all must've used one at some point of our lives, maybe at a play in school or college, maybe to some Halloween/Masquerade party.

But the masks which I mention are the ones not visible on our person, the ones we wear either consciously or subconsciously to trick the people around us into thinking of us as someone/something which we are not.

Since time immemorial, people have been pretending to be something they are not. It is a subconscious reflex, thanks to the primitive and powerful survival instinct. Everyone is unconsciously trying to increase their odds of survival.

Not just people, even animals do the same. Only it's called 'Camouflage'. Since evolution did not find it necessary to provide us with masks such as skin that can change color, we had to resort to more subtle ones.

Let me suggest an interesting trick. This only needs patience and some amount of keen observation.

Next time you see a boy talking to an attractive girl (or vice versa) or a student talking to a teacher (or an employee talking to his superior), just count the number of times he laughs. Compare it with the number of times he/she laughs normally. I bet you will be surprised.

At one point of time, I used to look down on people who behave in this 'two-faced' manner. Now I realize, this is the way it is supposed to be. Lies and deception are something that is hard-wired into our system. The better you are at it, the further you will go.

The bible couldn't have been more wrong when it said: "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Not even close. The meek shall be lucky to survive on this earth.

Let truth prevail (whatever it is . . .)

Recently I had a discussion which brought home a few painful truths:

1] We are a country of amazingly narrow-minded people.

2] The so-called educated/civilized strata of our society harbours some of the most narrowest minds we could ever meet.

On introspection, we ourselves might not be as open-minded as we think we are. The issue which drove me to think about these points was this: should religion play a role in education? The opinion I'd heard which shocked me was that religion and education are inseparable.

As far as my personal opinion is concerned, I believe that one of the major reasons for our masses being liable to being manipulated so easily by cunning politicians leading to so many bloody riots and unnecessary anguish is this stupid belief:

"What I believe is the truth. It is my duty to stand by my beliefs no matter what happens."

I staunchly believe in the 2nd statement and at the same time, firmly reject the 1st one.

It is impossible for a person to know if his beliefs/thoughts represent absolute truth.

Of course, I am free to follow what I believe is the truth. But, at the same time, I cannot (and should not) enforce it on someone else as his/her thoughts and beliefs might be completely different.

Just as a person standing in a train cannot measure the speed of another train, we cannot judge the truthfulness or falsehood of a situation while we are influenced by it.

In simple words, I have no right to judge another individual.

Let us live our life according to our beliefs and extend the same courtesy to others. The burden of a single soul is more than enough.

Remember, there is always the very real danger that we may have been wrong . . .

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. - Andre Gide

Happy?

I'm amazing myself by writing so much about this strange emotion called happiness. Generally, the only time I think about it is when I'm sorely missing it.

Strangely, this is one of the happiest times of my life. I'm more peaceful, contented, satisfied and most importantly, happy than I've ever been before.

In my four years of engineering, the most important lesson that I've learnt, probably even more important than my engineering studies, is that one can be truly happy only if his/her search for happiness goes within.

In simple words, your happiness should not be a result of things in your surrounding.

Sounds so mystical, wise and "enlightened", doesn't it?

Now, if I put it in a slightly different manner, the reaction of people would be drastically different.

"To be happy, you must not be too concerned with others." - Albert Camus

I can almost hear the cries, "Oh, but that's so selfish!!"

If losing your happiness and peace of mind for someone else is selflessness, I'd rather be happy and selfish.

Ask yourself a honest question, what would you choose?

Happiness

"Smile your troubles away."

We all have heard this at some point of our life and wondered, "What bullshit!!" I have reacted the same way many times in my life.

I am a pessimistic guy by nature, well, not pessimistic to be precise. I prefer to look at what can go wrong with a particular scenario and be prepared for it. If things don't go wrong, it's a bonus. I call it being "prepared", others call it being "pessimistic". To each, his own . . .

There have been many situations when forget smiling, I don't even feel like talking civilly with people around me. To speak of smiling in such situations feels like a joke which isn't even funny.

However, over the past few years I have realized something.

The multitudes of self-help videos, books etc. etc. which talk about smiling and being happy aren't talking all crap. They're just using the wrong word for it.

They say, "Be happy when things go wrong" when they actually mean, "Be calm\peaceful when things go wrong". The first one may be downright impossible for most people (barring a few "advanced" souls) but the second one, though difficult, can be achieved by each and everyone of us ordinary "non-evolved" people.

It is true, we do affect the environment around us (through our emotions). Before laughing it off as mystical mumbo-jumbo, think about it. Haven't you ever experienced this? You're sitting in a good mood, when a cranky fellow pops in and totally ruins your mood leaving you angry and irritated. In the same way, all the people in a group visibly perk up when a person known to be jolly and funny joins them. Just the idea of having a good time is often enough to lift up our spirits.

In the Bollywood movie "3 Idiots", the protagonist "Rancho" (excellently played by Aamir Khan) says at one point, "Our heart is an idiot. It gets scared very easily. So, we have to fool it. Whenever you face any trouble, say, 'All is well' "

His friend asked (rather crossly), "And that will solve our problem?"

He smiled and replied, "No. But it gives us the strength to deal with them."

And that, my friends, is the secret of happiness . . .

Farewell . . .

A dedication to all who have ever lost someone they cared dearly for . . .

Some feelings that I have attempted to put in words.

It's my first attempt at poetry, so apologies for errors, if any.

Amidst all my anger, my guilt and my fear,

I feel I am losing everything I hold dear,

I wish everyone and everything could remain the same,

But with time has come the greatest conqueror: change.

Still love you all deep down, my dears,

But something in me has died, I fear,

Sweet memories in my heart will forever remain,

Though we can never be the same again.

Selflessness??

We all have heard this, "He/she is so selfish!!"

Nowadays, every other person we meet seems to be a selfish, stuck-up prig. Not being a very philanthropic individual myself and having heard this phrase far too many times, I started thinking. What is Selfishness? Does something called Selflessness really exist?

What I came up with is this: there is nothing called Selflessness.

We all are inherently selfish. No one's at fault. Selfishness is hard-wired into human nature. Whatever we do always has some personal interests in the background.

Even our so-called "selfless" acts are not an exception to this.

Parents expect children to take care of them in their old age, respect them and bring honour to their name. The devout worship their God in the hope that he will grant good fortune (physical or spiritual) to them.

Even our Gods are not immune to selfishness!! (Pardon my blasphemy)

They'll bestow all boons and good fortune on you . . . provided you worship them and follow all their rules and regulations.

I'm sure you all are thinking, "What nonsense is he talking about? Isn't that what is expected of us?" My reply is, "Expectations" is just another better sounding word to express what you want from others.

Now, isn't that selfish?

Selfishness is the basis of all relationships. If you doubt what I said, take any relationship you are in and ask yourself, "What is the reason I am sustaining this relationship for?"

The answers you will get will be varied and numerous. "Companionship", "Understanding", "Attraction", even "Money/similar benefits" might be some of the answers you come up with.

Many friendships are prime examples of this shallowness. We fulfil our human need for companionship through our friends. But, as soon as we get a "better" option, be it love or maybe even another friend, the previous relationship often disintegrates and slowly destroys itself, often despite the best efforts and intentions of both parties.

That is how Nature works. Whatever is necessary and beneficial is retained, everything else is purged. It's the way of evolution. Whenever you find something better, you discard the older substitute , even if it worked fine all this time.

Hence, I believe 'Selflessness' is just a delusional thought, another redundant product of the human mind. The only eternal feelings are life's most primitive instincts: survive, procreate and nurture your lineage, in that order.

Probably, the biggest folly of the human mind is in thinking that it is superior to Nature merely because it is capable of generating these apparently "superior" ideals as compared to the "primitive" instincts adopted by Nature. We have a lot to learn from Nature.

"Vanity of vanities," saith the Preacher, "Vanity of vanities! All is vanity."

- Ecclesiastes 1:2

Change

"Change is the only constant in life."

This is an oft-quoted and popular saying. This is a favourite topic for Essays, Speeches and Motivational Seminars. Yet, even though we hear it, there are very few people who can claim to have understood it and applied it in their life.
What is this quote telling us?
In simple words, there is nothing in life which is "definite" or "carved in stone" so as to say. Everything, be it friends, family, feelings, careers or anything else, is temporary and fleeting.
What is there today may not be tomorrow.

We humans have a tendency which seems to be hardwired in us.
We take certain situations and then decide "This is the way things should be" and then hope that they will stay that way forever.
None of us is immune to this behaviour.
We all have faced situations where we've thought "This is so perfect. I wish things could stay like this always." Then one day, this hope shatters and we are rudely awakened from our dreams to face cruel reality.
Change has gate-crashed the party.

Now there are two ways we can deal with it: one, we can moan, groan and try to find ways to get back to how things were before and then grumble when we realize this is not possible. This is what most of us (including me) do initially.
OR
We can accept what has happened and move on with life. Always remember the good times but, at the same time, look ahead to what awaits us in the future.
Accepted, the second part is not as easy as it sounds. It is far easier to give in to the sadness and anguish we face at the parting. To resist it seems be a sacrilege, a grave sin. We feel as if we're being unfaithful to the memories we're leaving behind, to our friends who are mere memories now.
The only question we need to ask ourselves at this point is, of what use are those memories if the only thing they bring is anguish? Aren't we showing disrespect to them by making them a source of pain both to us and those new people who come in our life?

Of one thing we can be certain, by resisting change, we can't stop it. Change is inevitable. We merely make the transition more painful for ourselves by resisting it.
For example, an adjustment which might have taken a year of sad farewells to old friends and tentative forging of new ones gets protracted into 3-4 years of bitter anguish over lost friendships and later, regret and sadness over the new bonds we could have formed, but didn't, because we couldn't move with the times.

Whatever be the way we choose, the end result is the same. Sooner or later, we accept and move on.
What changes is merely how we achieve this acceptance.

From what I've written till now, it appears as if Change is an enemy we can't fight, a cruel conqueror who knows no defeat. This is not true. Change is merely an agent that Nature employs to ensure that Life is balanced, sustained and dynamic.
Just as a stagnant body of water gets choked with weeds and unwanted rubbish and finally ends up dead and lifeless, without Change, we will get "choked" and lose meaning in life.

When we understand Change and accept it, we are like a river, bubbling with life and energy, ready to face whatever life throws at us. This knowledge fills us with the power and strength to face the trials of life.
A river may cross wastelands, mountains, even deserts on it's way to the sea but it never stops. When it encounters obstacles in it's path, it merely flows around it and moves on.

That is what we have to do. Keep "flowing" till we reach our goal.

"The one thing that will never change is that things are always changing . . ."